1st day of school 2013

This is the real picture of how she was feeling!

This morning I was sitting in my car and a cardinal came and pecked on my window.. Then I saw an orange butterfly... Two things I really love are cardinals and orange butterflies. A friend pointed out once that the bright color is such a surprise in nature and it has stuck with me ever since. They are kind of a h.s. jolt when I see them.

Wow, I thought I must really need God this morning... Its hard to navigate my emotions these days. I guess because Ive made it through my hardest days yet so anything less than a 25 on the 1-10 scale my heart says well I don't really need God, I got this! But he is reminding me through his creation that even a 6 on the sad scale is enough to be comforted by such a great God. I rarely feel such deep emotion as I once did. I can go many months without crying...

And I wonder why I was so deeply emotional before, maybe it was so I could understand my children when their world seems like its swirling and coming to an end.

I dropped River off at pre-k today and she cried deep sobs. Her heart was so sad... Then my heart was sad. Lucy was next... she didn't even see her sister crying but when I told her to line up and gave her a hug, she fell apart in my arms. Deep sobs. Poor babies... Poor mama heart.

Then my mind starts doing the dance... Should I be homeschooling. Is this really good for them... Then it goes to yes it's the best thing for them... They will become confident children who can conquer the world and they can love others and show others Jesus in school... Then it goes back... well maybe just a few more years at home so I can build them up... I mean i don't want to throw them to the wolves...  And all the other reasons that we moms can come up with to decide that we have made the best choice for our children... There are many more, and we have all danced this dance.

But heres to this praying mama... Lucy said it best this morning... "God told me he loves me" and River said "God told me to "come with me my beautiful one" May our family go with him for he loves us dearly.