today

Get it together Natalie...  Get it together, Get it together. These are the thoughts whispering in my head as tears are uncontrollably rolling down my face. I hate being so emotional. I hate feeling things so deeply. Layers continually are stripped from my heart and I am left with out the capacity to control my self, my emotions, my tears that stream without thoughts or cause. (I feel like a child)

 As I walk through halls of people I can't breathe - all I want to do is run. But I am stuck behind turtles, mingling, laughing, and bouncing about -not that turtles bounce but you get the point. I feel there stares what the heck is wrong with that girl and my nerves are spinning out of control and I am one millisecond from a panic attack.

These thoughts coexist in my head with the realization that God stands ahead of me... Natalie you don't have to have everything together... Come to me just as you are... You can't fix this. You can't do enough stuff to make things as you think they should be. Today our pastor ended his sermon on Risk... And God spoke deeply to me about Risk today. What it means to Risk my life outside of self preservation. What it means to surrender all.... God help me..


^{Matthew 11:25}At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

 ²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.  ²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."